The alternate title for this post would be: Things That Scare Me. I plan to (hope to? notice the waffling…) race from the Mexican border to the Utah border, primarily on rugged single track 800 miles across the beautiful state of Arizona. This will be an individual time trial (ITT), meaning I will be going as fast as I can, but only racing the clock (and really myself), not other people, starting approximately October 5th. You can read about the trail here: https://aztrail.org/the-trail/ .
While I like the idea of spending over two weeks on my bike with the monofocus of a single goal to occupy my mind and body, I am having the hardest time fully committing to this route. Even though objectively this should not be harder than the Colorado Trail, I am very afraid of this route. So of course, I have to ask why. I think one reason is that I pre-rode many sections of the Colorado Trail prior to race day, which helped make it feel more manageable and less of an unknown. Though truth be told, riding 50 mile chunks of the chunky Colorado Trail at a time actually makes the whole thing seem LESS doable!
Image: Centipede close up with pebbles and dirt as the background.
I am afraid of throwing my body down on the ground at night for a precious few hours of sleep and having creepy crawlies such as rattlesnakes, centipedes, and scorpions decide they want to cuddle. I am afraid of the physical challenge, running out of water, risk of heat stroke, and persevering through day after day of temperatures that may exceed 90*F at the beginning of the race, with the risk of being snowed on later in the race. I am afraid of my body, especially with my life long low back issues, literally failing me as I attempt to carry, yes you read that right carry, my bicycle on my back across the Grand Canyon. If you are unfamiliar with National Park rules, bikes are forbidden on most trails within National Parks, so my wheel are not allowed to touch the ground once I drop over the edge of the southern rim. Most people do the canyon hike in one 24 hour push, though one can attempt to get an overnight camping pass upon arrival, but there is no guarantee of availability — I’m also not sure if a six hour nap will make the hike out any easier…
Image: Me with a deconstructed bike strapped to my back, walking away from the camera.
Mostly I am afraid of failure. Which isn’t that about the best reason in the world to do it? I HATE not finishing what I have started (see: PhD, being one of the three women a year that complete the Colorado Trail Race, etc…). However, one of my few life rules is that I should do the things that scare me. It is in these small acts of bravery that expansion occurs. This definitely scares me, which means it is time to demystify this trail and go give it my best shot.
Though considering the Arizona Trail Race (AZTR) does force me to reflect back on my Colorado Trail race experience. My whole body hurt constantly, but the bigger problem was my mental game. I quit a thousand times a day, even if I did ultimately finish the trail. I was constantly sabotaging my effort with negative self-talk, coming up with so many rational reasons to quit. I am looking at the AZTR as an opportunity for growth, to continually focus on moving forward on the trail without wasting precious energy on negative thoughts about quitting.
Many of my friends tell me this is the most beautiful race they have ever completed, focusing on the amazing change in scenery as you move from elevations of 1900 feet to 9,600 feet. I want to move through this environment under my own power and experience the intimacy with a place that only comes from slow motion travel where you are acutely aware of the temperature, rocks, cactus thorns, and mountains you must climb. I’ve also never been to the bottom of the Grand Canyon!
I drafted this post yesterday, did a solid training ride today, and seriously just a few hours ago realized that October 5th is exactly two weeks from today. I guess it is time for a month of monofocus! Two weeks of focus on route and bike preparations following by two (plus) weeks on the trail. I’ll most likely be on Trackleaders if you want to play along, specific link to follow at a later date or you can search in October on the main page: http://www.trackleaders.com/
Let’s do it!